This post is from guest blogger, freelance editor, & my lovely wife, Jennifer “Daisy” Cornforth. Please contact her with questions or for help editing your blog posts, Web content, articles, newsletters, or book projects.
As the wife of a photographer, I read a lot of photographers’ blogs. Y’all have amazing stories to tell! However, too often the meat of your story gets lost in a sea of weak verbs, redundant modifiers, passive constructions, and self-focused storytelling. So after listening to me enumerate the faults of his and his colleagues’ writing, Jon suggested that I write a post to share my suggestions.
1. Read through your piece from the beginning and find the sentence that cuts to the quick. Delete all the gobbledygook that precedes that sentence.
2. Take out unnecessary words. Phrases like the fact that, it seemed that, I thought that, it felt like can almost always be dropped and result in clearer, stronger writing. Likewise, most intensifiers can, and should, be dropped. Very, so, really, extremely, completely and the like add very little to your story.
Not so hot: It is with great appreciation that I would like to announce…
Warmer: It is with great appreciation that I announce…
3. Excise the verb To Be. Is, was, were, and are bore the reader. There is usually a better way to construct a sentence than by using is.
So-so: There are two black eyes staring back.
Better: Two black eyes stare back.
4. Replace wussy verbs like to have and to be with action verbs.
Uncool: I was running through the woods, and I had my pack in my hands.
Better: I ran through the woods, clutching my pack.
5. Replace passive constructions with active ones. Passive constructions include phrases like “The suitcase was packed by me.” as opposed to “I packed the suitcase.”
Annoying: The truck was driven up the winding road and was parked by the ledge.
Far better: I drove the truck up the winding road and parked it by the ledge.
6. Weed out unnecessary, flimsy, and distracting adverbs. Take a discerning look at every –ly word on your piece. Most adverbs either (1) prop up weak, overused, or vague adjectives or verbs, or (2) attempt (failingly) to provide additional information. Better word choices and adequate factual information remove the need to beef up writing with adverbs.
Worse: The air was extremely hot.
Better: The air was scorching. (Better word choice.)
Worse: We ran quickly up the trail.
Better: We scurried (dashed, bolted, flew, rocketed, planed) up the trail. (More precise word choice.)
Worse: The trail was completely impassable.
Better: Torrential rain had flooded the trail the day before day, knocking out all three footbridges, and leaving the trail impassable. (More information.)
7. Don’t tell the reader how to feel! The most consistent and irritating problem I see with photographers is that they tell the readers what to see, think, or feel, rather than showing the reader the scene and allowing the reader to generate their own feelings. Phrases like you feel a surge of awe as you, it is breathtaking to see, and one is shocked to find weaken, rather than strengthen, the reader’s emotions. Use words to paint the picture, and allow the reader to decide if it’s breathtaking!
Cloying: No one can deny the surge of sympathy you feel when you see these tiny chicks cheeping alone on the outcropping.
Better: The tiny chicks cheep-cheep-cheep, abandoned on the outcropping.
8. Flesh out the story with details. Don’t say, “The road was long.” say “The road stretched 20 miles.” Don’t tell me “the sunset was very, very, extremely gorgeous,” describe how the light reflected off the surroundings, what the air smelled like, what the colors resembled, or how long it lasted. Fight the temptation to cop-out with adjectives. If you say something was short, the reader wants to know “How short was it?”
9. Use tropes to describe the indescribable. The images and environments in your stories are outside the realm of most people’s experience. So help the reader “see” more clearly by using metaphors, similes, and other tropes they can relate to.
Run-of-the-mill: unbelievably pink sunset, beautiful fluffy clouds
Punchy: a flamenco pink sunset, clouds like cotton candy
10. End sentences with a bang. The natural emphasis of a sentence falls at the end, so make sure your last word is worth emphasizing.
I saw, leaping out if the river, hundreds of sockeye salmon. (Emphasizes salmon)
I saw hundreds of sockeye salmon leaping out of the river. (Emphasizes river)
Use the last word to set up your next sentence, to underline your point, or to crystallize the perfect image.
Stumble It!